The Coaching Guru: Crazy Coaching

The Coaching Guru: Crazy Coaching: In all aspects of coaching there us a fine line, whether it be business, life, executive or driver, this line is identified as how does a ba...

Crazy Coaching

In all aspects of coaching there us a fine line, whether it be business, life, executive or driver, this line is identified as how does a baseline come about, can it be a real result of coaching experience or an identifiable point where coaching is seen as a starting point.  I know I am writing from a coach perspective but I have hours of time spent in real scenarios, and I have found there to be so many who elevate themselves into the role of coaching without qualification but based on popularity through social media promotion.

So do we trust a coach based on their reputation, through their self promotion or experience, is it possible to rely on the word of someone who is well promoted through input or design or is it through personal experience?

The very essence of coaching is personal experience, a goal and the search for answers and results, when looking at driver training what is the requirement, well it seems those who shout loudest get the most results, yet seriously it should be what is coaching, why do I want it how can it help me in my life or career.

Of course as a coach, we take the ultimate outcome very seriously, and from our portfolio, be it driver trainers, business owners or those from other walks of life or genre, the future is a goal, personal want or desire is a need, thinking loosely in terms of driver training as an example it becomes what the overseeing body or trainee wants how many coaches ask why?

An amazing powerpoint presentation, or popularity is not the way forward only an achievable outcome, goal or vision is the route to seeing positivity and success.  A case study that is not in our book has been provided, the names of those featured have been changed to protect their identity despite their permission t use the details.


Sandy and Leon have been dating for a year, they trust each other and often travel together after a night out, Leon rarely drives but tonight he has decided to take the car, he has not been drinking but has worked a ten hour shift, they have had a meal, and Sandy has had a few alcoholic drinks, on the way home they have a heated discussion although neither describe it as a row, and are reluctant to describe the details as personal argument.  Leon is driving within a forty limit and is travelling between 45 and 64mph he loses control of the vehicle, leaves the road and the car ends its journey in a field on the roof, no other vehicle is involved.  Leon describes the crash as an accident he says he swerved to avoid a deer, where Sandy says his driving become erratic and on a bend resulted in Leon trying to steer too late.  This scenario is highly likely as most rural collisions are single vehicle at night, transfer of responsibility is also a common factor, so how as a coach would you respond to this?

Hormones and the Driver

Having read many articles regarding the teenage driver, the older driver, the complacent driver, I decided it was time to release the research carried out by our business, this involved a survey of female driving instructors, female drivers and female learners. the results are quite stunning.

There s a huge amount of emphasis on attitude and driver behaviour, and hormone levels in young males has been touched upon but not thoroughly explored, interestingly those who believe that attitude is behind accident rates amongst young drivers have not explored the medical evidence but accepted the argument put forward by others. It is easy to believe that medical evidence and nature plays no part with the majority being swept up on the nature aspect. Of course we all take on habitual behaviour from our peers but we also develop our own personal traits, so why would we copy risky or dangerous behaviour, as a risk taker does not inspire confidence it inspires fear.  The research we have carried out spans five years and the evidence is both qualitative and quantitative.

In 2009 we surveyed 100 female driver trainers, in 2012 we surveyed a further 100 female driver trainers, both groups were selected because of their diversity of clients, we also asked them to survey their female clients.  The female group results were interesting, those who were pre-menopausal, as in menstruating regularly reported regular dips in their driving ability, feeling more irritable with other drivers and less tolerant with their clients, those who were post menopause still reported days of reduced driving ability but not of the regularity of the pre-menopause group.

Increased hormonal surges resulted in irritability, poor concentration and driver errors, although this is to be expected as it is a fact that hormone surges affect female behaviour, it is acknowledged that our research was more indepth than any other entered into for research purposes. Menopausal 'brain fogginess' is recognised, but in the teenager driver no consideration is taken into account for menstruation cycles, with the majority of driving instructors being male the learner drivers surveyed found it difficult to convey to their instructor their change in personal feelings and the fact that they were feeling different, some did not relate their change in driver behaviour to their cycle until our survey when they were encouraged to take part in our testing and studies.

Of 100 female learner drivers questioned in 2009 with 79 being of pre menopausal age or state, once asked to keep a record of their learner behaviour reported 'bad lessons' the week before their period, with the remaining 21 reporting discomfort or lack of attention or understanding of the lesson material. All female learner drivers who took part in our 2009 survey admitted to having 'good lessons' the week following their period, where they felt calmer and more able to retain information.  The majority said that they had not linked the relationship of menstrual cycle and learning, once identified these students booked their lessons in relation to their cycle and found themselves in a better frame of mind for learning and made an active decision to book a driving test for the week following their cycle, those who had a male instructor chose not to relay their reasons for choosing when they could take a test.

In 2012 the survey results showed a similar vein of pattern, however in 2012 the majority of those questioned did have female instructors yet still chose not to tell their instructor their reason for preferring a particular test day, for our research purposes this confirmed an amount of embarrassment linked to natural occurrences in the body and the student teacher environment.

We moved our survey on to male students, testosterone is harder to pin point as there is no identifiable cycle pattern, so we used specific questioning related to mood, sleeping patterns and social environment.  We found that those who discussed their driving with friends who already could drive felt empowered to be better, the hormone surges experienced were high at this point, many experts in this field believe the pattern relates to hunter forager days, where it was survival of the fittest, however our extensive research into the warrior gene resulted in conclusive evidence that a young male driver can display risky behaviour even if they were raised in a risk free environment, where their parents or those with parental responsibility were displaying a calm attitude to driving and a relaxed attitude to poor road behaviour as opposed to aggressive reasoning.

Five years of intensive study has demonstrated to us that risky behaviour is nature as opposed to nurture, although copying the respected family members is evident, this is minimal.  The move towards post test training to tackle risky behaviour would be a non starter as the only remedy would be as a result of genetic modification.  Adopted learners, and we only had ten of these take part in a nation wide survey, displayed behaviour based on how they felt rather than how they were led.  Research into testosterone based behaviour, surges in hormone levels is currently underway with results expected in 2017.

The conclusion of our research to date is those who are peri menopausal are forgetful and more likely to experience spikes in their learning process, those who are pre menopausal, which we consider to be 17 to 45, had learning experiences reflecting as good and bad based on where they were in their cycle, those who had this highlighted to them, which for study purposes was 50% of 2012 study, made a conscious effort to plan their learning around their cycle with 38% claiming that the three days pre-period were the worse.

If disproportionate accident rates amongst young drivers is to be addressed then the physical aspect has to be taken into consideration, several American studies identify testosterone amongst young males as being a significant factor yet this is largely ignored probably because it is believed it cannot be tackled, yet if these results were taken seriously the maybe road fatalities amongst this younger generation could be reduced.

Older drivers know their limitations, and experience has reduced their exposure, testosterone levels in older males reduces, hormone levels in females in the pre menopause group change with age and are also affected by pregnancy.

The final figures for this survey which will include 2014 survey figures amongst specific groups age 17 - 25 female 17 - 25 male and pregnant women, and full time working males will follow this be the end of 2014.

Wishing Sensibility

When I was in my teens I can't remember having much care beyond who was playing on the radio, and whether I could scrape together enough money to buy a record that was the moment of deep pleasure to play over and over again, potentially encouraging my parents to hand out the ear plugs to family and visitors.

I skipped through school, I can not really say I enjoyed it, but there was no pressure to conform, it was not without some difficulty, bullied a little but so wrapped up in my own world I'm not sure I cared, it certainly didn't encourage me to skip school.  I do remember the inward sigh when one particularly girl would see me and begin the following, close behind with plenty to say about how awful I was, but really this dented nothing about my confidence or personality.  I had my groups of friends, never being one to have that special friend to share my secrets, probably because I had none.  If I liked a boy I didn't giggle over his glances towards me or tell a friend, I told him directly.  Now it's hard to imagine I was so brazen.

A Mummy's girl until about fifteen when this inbuilt urge to pull against the apron strings spiraled me into a new era, one it seems we never quite recover from.  I think it can be loosely described as adulthood.  My extended family remember me as a shy little girl with ribbons and ringlets and pretty girly dresses.  I just remember these older children peering at me hiding behind my Mother's skirt and wondering why they were so interested.  Having to let go of her hand and play, in a strange house and a strange garden, yet really looking back I enjoyed the play time the interaction and still today see my cousins and remember fondly how essential they were in my formative years.

I'm not really on a trip into memory lane here, but am comparing how life for the teenager has changed.  Pressure in the classroom, from my experience compared to my now fifteen year old daughter I see exam stress, demands to reach a level or they will be doomed.  Nastiness in the play ground and tight nit groups of  girls and boys compared to the same sex groups that I was familiar with at school.

Why have we allowed our children to be pushed onto a treadmill when the rat race is still awaiting them as it did me, why is school such a negative experience, creating more depressed adolescents than ever before. Education is vital, I am still on education wheel even now, but when do they have time to be children, why is there so much eagerness to enforce pressure into what can only be described as the most confusing dance of life that they will ever face, with emotions and hormones and social experiments dictating how they feel.

As a life coach, although my area of expertise if you like, is bereavement, when you look at depression, sadness, confusion it is so closely connected what can we do to jump off of the conveyor belt and think for a moment.  Money, gifts, holidays, trips, are nothing compared to time, we can't stop the hands of the clock from turning, but if you close your eyes for a moment what are the memories that you hold dear, do your children have these memories too.

The increase in drinking and recreational drug use amongst our young people identifies an element of boredom and a lack of attention, can it be changed for the future generations?


Taken from the book 'Dancing Through Time'  publication date August  2014

copyright 2014

Making Money

All businesses see a fluctuation in their income particularly in those early years, for a business to become established it can take up to five years, if after this time you are not seeing a steady rise in profit then it is time to review your business strategy.  It is easy to cling to your dream of owning a company or of working for yourself, reviewing that dream is harder, it becomes something we love and do not want to let go even if common sense tells us change must take place.

The small to medium business has a staff roll to support, so loss making cannot be tolerated for too long, or so one would think, yet over recent years we have seen big names disappear from the high street, companies and organisations that many would assume to be recession proof, so can we protect the small and micro businesses.

Of course there are many things you can do and some you shouldn't do.

Inquiries for orders and services should be treated as genuinely as possible with the provider answering questions honestly.  If you are trying to sell a product or service, to be able to offer that service or product sooner rather than later can be the difference between winning and losing the sale.

A buyer is ringing because they want something from you or someone else who provides the same thing and to be the persuasive one, or the most available is more likely to settle the deal quickly, a client or purchaser who has to call back is 90% more likely to call someone else.

From a business point of view the provider always looks with different eyes, but the only person you would want to appear too busy to are your competitors.

With 1 in 3 small businesses failing in their first three years in the UK, a sturdy business plan is essential, so why do some businesses flourish where others fail, even within the same domain, knowing your market is one of the keys if you are thinking of working for yourself or beginning with a micro business then getting out and finding out what people want is the best move you can make.  This also is the first step into networking.

Although companies can be competitive they can also be friends.

Do you have a network that you can lean on for advice, it can be useful to have a network of professional friends, a coach or mentor, sole traders can find themselves in a lonely place, surrounding yourself with other sole traders or partnerships can be a salvation in difficult times.

Bereavement

How do we ever cope when someone who was in our life everyday is no longer there, losing a parent is something we prepare ourselves for, losing a parent prematurely is much harder, and generally when one leaves this life the other follows.  How can we protect ourselves from the pain, in short, we can't, how long does it take to grieve, forever.

February has always been one of the worse months for loss, I myself have experienced a loss this time of year when my dear son, aged just 18 passed away, fit and healthy and then gone.  The shock is immense, recognising you are in shock is one of the harder things to deal with, a feeling of panic is not unusual but most commonly it is numbness, the wheels spin very quickly and before the information is digested along comes the funeral.

Funeral time has mixed reactions from my clients, some see it as a welcome part of grief, where they can formally say goodbye and share the moment with those who are closest, that also is a chance to allow others to take part in the protecting of your emotions, and a safe haven of understanding.  For others the funeral is a difficult time, it is the reality of the moment which can send shock waves through the body and any physical symptom from shaking to complete breakdown take place.  To look back after this time it can feel as if you had been swept up on a tide of organising the event and having to take care of others and their needs, while within a family network we would expect that, but self protection is essential, the strength needed for the preceding months must be preserved.  Missing each element can often be viewed as a void, however our body protects us by shielding our emotions during that time.

Mourning, funerals and displays of grief have changed over the last few centuries, different cultures and religion have their own traditions, but commonly all groups will walk the path of different stages, guilt, sorrow, anger, pain, disbelief, and eventually peace.  Can the process be sped up, there is no need for that to happen, because we all handle our pain in different ways, the one who cannot cope would need medical intervention but even with a relief from reality in the form of tranquilisers or intensive therapy, the reality of the situation still needs to be faced.

Bereavement coaching can be a positive step and a support, for some who have had counselling you may feel dissatisfied with the lack of time dedicated by the therapist, there are many charities offering free services, and have done for many years, coaching has a different approach, it helps the client learn to grieve alongside everyday life, the feeling of guilt can be one of the hardest to bear. Coaching is often the next step after counselling, where counselling looks back coaching looks forward.

A lady I saw had lost her child sixty years ago, her life has never moved on from that moment, an extreme reaction, her pain still raw along with the disbelief, it is possible to choose to stay in that moment by choice, hypnosis in these situations can often help, if you want it, which of course is the key.  For the majority wanting life to have normality but to not forget is key.

When grief is new, it is not unusual to see someone, unknown or familiar, having a good time and to be upset by this, don't they know can't they see how you feel, this is a healthy part of grieving.  The loss of someone can actually be quite taboo, with some not knowing what to say so choose to say nothing at all, how often do we talk about bereavement, some clients are embarrassed to talk to close friends because it seems to be all they want to talk about it so don't wish to become a burden.  Is it possible to balance the two, possible but not easy.

Identifying which stage of grief you are at can be great for coping, taking care of yourself during emotional vulnerability is crucial.

I am a qualified bereavement coach, losing my son and my parents very close together led me along this path and it has helped with the important understanding needed to encourage strength and support.  My current study for a Psychology Bsc (hons) has enhanced my ability.

www.aicoachingsolutions.com

The Coaching Guru: Know Your Rights

The Coaching Guru: Know Your Rights: Ever been stranded at the airport and having to kip on the floor, declaring that when you return you will find our your rights an...

Know Your Rights

Ever been stranded at the airport and having to kip on the floor, declaring that when you return you will find our your rights and claim compensation?

Now there is no need - the 'know your rights' app is available for your smart phone, you will be able to access your rights in 22 different languages and this covers all types of transport, so whether you are cruising or flying, on road or by rail, there is no need to delay your complaint while you seethe and vow to find out, do it on the spot.

It's a fact that however angry we are, in the majority of cases we settle down and if a couple of hours pass we even forget the severity of the wrong doing, putting weight behind the old saying, time heals.  It is much more likely that you will complain about something if you are at home when the situation occurs, or it affects someone else and you feel the need to fight on their behalf.

So how does this app help?  Well it encourages starting a complaint at the moment you are at your most hurt or angry, there is nothing like a long flight delay to kick start the frustration, but can this really help in the long term.  Well dealing with anger is good as too much anger is bad for your health, but what if you are met with a member of staff who just isn't listening, will you be in the right frame of mind to deal with this correctly, or will it be a case of waving your smart phone in the face of the operative and an assault charge imminent.

When we are that annoyed, particularly if you feel wronged, it can be very difficult to climb down and let your emotions cool, with an on hand answer to the question of your rights, yet resolve is often easier to find if you avoid going on the attack, take a deep breath and step back.

Letting rip will push up your blood pressure, upset the people who are with you and can lead to heart attack or stroke. Count down slowly backwards from ten, have something to drink and walk around for five minutes talking calmly or thinking, about something relaxing.

Prepare your approach, discuss, write down or practice what you plan to say, imagine the likely responses and be prepared to listen.  If you are advised to put your complaint in writing, ask for the name of the person you are dealing with, their position, also take note of the day and time plus a brief visual description of the person you have spoken to.

When we become angry or upset it is much easier to forget or misinterpret what is happening.

Have a read of your rights before you travel so that you are well prepared if something goes wrong, it can save upset, stress and frustration.

If you have trouble free travel, remember the positive points.

The Coaching Guru: Coaching a Revolution

The Coaching Guru: Coaching a Revolution: It's a belief amongst the uninitiated that coaching is the latest in a trend of newly named old phenomenons, dressed up and sold ...

Coaching a Revolution

It's a belief amongst the uninitiated that coaching is the latest in a trend of newly named old phenomenons, dressed up and sold as the old present re-wrapped, yet is it.  Well coaching in itself is hardly new, an American take on a Socratic  belief, introduced in the 1970's by an accountant who avoided advice in place of nurturing a skill in clients, after all how could someone advise you how to make your business work if they did not know the intricacies, yet help and advice was needed.  When faced with a year of accounts improvements can often be made, the owner of a multi million dollar corporation can always look to improve or earn more, that is the only way to stay at the top, the top earners and achievers look for ways to continuously expand and improve profit margins, yet behind nearly every strong powerful organisation is an advisor, the coach, the critique, the guide.

So how did coaching suddenly become so popular?  In the UK it was always going to be on the cards.  Many businesses and individuals employ a coach in the USA, so as usual these business and personal strategies filter across the pond to us.  I don't think you can talk to anyone in the field of medicine or accountancy that do not mention goals and plans, now, actively encouraging us to take responsibility for ourselves whereas a few years ago it was a minority. Therefore there must be some evidence to support coaching does work.

Many make the error in assuming that coaching evolved from sports coaching and therefore transferring into everyday life or career seems quite a difficult task, and it would be as there is little association between the two.  However discipline that comes from coaching someone within sport can be transferred even though the ethos is not the same.

The danger is a poorly skilled coach can do more harm than good, you only have to read the works of Passmore, Whitmore, Beck and Robbins to know that the mind is fragile and playing with it outside of a trained environment can cause problems.  NLP for example, if carried out correctly can induce a trance like state, similar to that of hypnosis, to dabble in this unskilled could have serious consequences, how many would want that responsibility.

So how many would be coaches are there around, well actually loads, there is no regulation in the UK concerning life coaching so there are the few jumping on the wagon, I had experience of this recently when going to the dental surgery, I was given a new leaflet which asked me to write what I wanted in terms of service, my goal for the work to be done and of course good old scaling, the safety net of all would be coaches, let me insist you mark your experience on a scale of one to ten, there is a lot of information that steers away from this when used in this way.  Unfortunately after filling in the form I asked the dentist for a realistic time scale of when I could expect to achieve the completion of work, and she was non committal telling me it is difficult to predict a time scale, which surely undermines the whole exercise.

After a chat it seemed that as a company, their are two surgeries, they had been approached by a coaching company who were going to come in and define improvements that could be made, well I'm not sure how a questionnaire that the staff did not understand the relevance of, could help.  So moving positively into new strategies for companies and how to improve their business it is helpful if they extend this training to their staff including the freelance and self employed.

You cannot dictate coaching it has to come from within, you also have to want it, for coaching to be effective and improve performance everybody has to take the experience with both hands and run with it into a new era, it is difficult to sell coaching to employees as they have different goals to business owners, you cannot buy loyalty it has to be earned, can it be earned through a coaching environment, yes absolutely, but it isn't an overnight result, however the benefits can be reaped, they can also be reaped by a sole trader looking to improve their business strategy and approach.

Small businesses in the UK have a poor record when it comes to survival, with three years considered to be the average time it takes for a company, regardless of size, to get off of the ground, if it can generate a profit after three years then it is considered to be more likely to survive.  However over the last couple of years we have seen some household names fall off the edge after many decades of trading, and yet lessons could have been learned before the fateful day, it may have held their business away from danger even if it wasn't a picture of what they had come to believe it looked like. Yet the failure rate for small businesses in the US have fallen, despite the fact that start up's for small business has increased, which indicates a turn in the US economy does it indicate a slower turn in the UK?

Coaching in the executive sector has been a slow burner, our reluctance as a business owner often prevents us from asking for help, throwing around ideas, or doing more of what worked in the past can be putting good money after bad, a fresh look from a coach can revitalise a business, but more importantly it's how as well as what.

Will we see a coaching revolution in business, undoubtedly, will we see a coaching revolution for personal achievement that is not so clear as those who do have a coach for specialist coaching are often private about this and therefore the research is harder to carry out.


copyright 2014 A Green reproduction in full or part, forbidden without express permission of the author